Soul Redemption
by Anime Dreamer36
Summary: A WYDS from The End of Evangelion. Asuka's Eva is destroyed. Her soul hides in the bowels of memories. But there's a hope that whispers to her from the depths of the changing world. But she must come to grips with herself if she hopes to grasp the truth.
1. Soul Redemption: Chapter 1

****

Soul Redemption 

By Anime Dreamer36   
  


_ Preface: This fic is a WYDS(What you didn't see) from "The End of Evangelion." The movie, as well as the entire "Evangelion" saga, is not an Anime that gives you recognizable answers, but one that makes you think, make inferences, and leaves much up to the imagination. I could watch "The End of Evangelion"(and a few select episodes) many times over and still find and learn something new, or get a different feeling than I had before. _

Though the movie does answer many questions left from the TV series, it ends up leaving a few of its own. Since it was never established exactly what happened to Asuka after her Eva was destroyed by the other Eva Units, nor how she ended up, bandaged, beside Shinji in the final scene, I got the urge to write a fan fic that fills in this gap(And I'm sure that I'm not the only one). I don't believe that Asuka died when her Eva was destroyed because if she had, we would've seen her revert to LCL in the same way that all the other characters did. Even Misato, Ritsuko, and all the people at NERV who were killed before the actual initiation of Third Impact were turned to LCL by Rei. But Asuka didn't, and I believe it's because she was protected by her Eva's soul, the same way that Shinji was, which is why they are the only survivors at the end. Also, it seemed strange to me that all of the important characters in "Evangelion" played a part during the rise of Third Impact in the movie, but the Eva pilots' classmates, Toji, Kensuke, and Hikari, were absent from it. Even secondary characters like Maya, Hyuga, and Aoba were given fairly decent roles in the movie, and much more insight was given to their character. Personally, I think that Toji, Kensuke, and Hikari are just as important. Since they bring out different actions and emotions from Shinji and Asuka, I wanted to have them in my fic as well. The last we hear of Toji and Kensuke is in episode 24. When Shinji is standing by the beach before he meets Kaworu, he says that Toji's and Kensuke's homes had been destroyed and that they had left. So I had to work with that information, and find some way for them to have a role in Third Impact, even though they supposedly left Neo Tokyo-3. The last we see of Hikari is in episode 23, when Asuka is staying at her house, and the last we hear of her is in the episode after, when Misato tells Pen Pen that she's going to leave him with Horaki-san(Hikari's last name) for a while. Since it's not said whether Hikari left the city or not, I found a way to get her into my story anyway(along with Pen Pen, of course). 

Another thing that bothered me in the movie was the fact that we see all that goes on in Shinji's mind during Third Impact, and how he finally manages to come to some kind of grip with himself in the end after realizing many things about life and existence, and the relationships with the people he knows. He even gets to see his mother at the very end before falling back to Earth. And yet, what happens to Asuka at the same time is a total mystery. Even though they both somehow end up in the same situation at the end of the movie, we don't know if Asuka established any new realizations about herself and the world the way Shinji did. Since she's my favorite character, I wanted to give her a similar "self-conclusion." 

My goal was to make this fic as true to the story and characters as I could, and give it the memorable and evocative feel that Hideaki Anno brilliantly brings to "Neon Genesis Evangelion." I added in a few events that were never shown in the episodes, but that could've happened(and would make sense if they did). I wanted this fic to follow the "Evangelion" stroy arc so perfectly, that there'd be no way of proving that what occurs in it didn't happen in "The End of Evangelion." Sure hope I've done a satisfactory job! Please enjoy! ^_^ 

Author's Note: I use a few Japanese words in this fic, so if you don't know what they mean, here's a rundown of the most prominent ones: 

*Shito = These are what the "Angels" are called. The literal meaning is "apostle." 

*Evangelion Nigouki = Evangelion Unit 02 

*Longinusu no Yari = Lance of Longinus(literally translated as "Spear of Longinus.") 

*Baka = Stupid, idiot, damned, fool. ("Ano baka!" means "That idiot!") 

*Okaa-san = Mother 

*Mikomi no hikari = Light of hope("Hikari" means "light") 

*Rei-tachi = I refer to the multiple Reis that turn the people of Earth into LCL as Rei-tachi. "-tachi" is a suffix that denotes pluralism, in this case, meaning more than one Rei. 

*One last little note: Toji speaks with an Osaka accent, and that's not always easy to put into English. Don't worry if his dialogue seems a bit "off " sometimes. 

**

Introduction

**

The genesis of a great and terrible change was arising. Whether this change was to be for the betterment or belittlement of the world could be endlessly debated. The earth trembled under this unknown breakthrough, and the tentative peace that the people were discreetly hoping for was beginning to become more and more further from reach because of the shattered relations of those who were to decide the fate of mankind. A storm of uncertainty was fiercely blowing through what remained of the human race as they struggled to hold onto an invisible "hope" with their hearts and souls while trying to flee from the merciless turmoil of reality with their bodies and minds. 

The once prominent city of Neo Tokyo-3, which stood with unfaltering sturdiness against the invading Angels, now crumbled from an attack not by alien beings, but by its own human brethren. The troops of the JSSDF moved like sinister black cobras through the various rooms and paths of a vulnerable and vastly degrading NERV Headquarters, with minds set to destroy every living thing along their way in their attempt to seize control of the mysterious robots that they barely understood. With innumerable amounts of bullets and bombs at their disposal, they unleashed these weapons with steady hands and unbatting eyes against the panicked and distraught people of NERV. Horrified screams, muffled by the splattering of blood, clanging of bullets, and detonating of bombs made this once renowned center of human prosperity weep. 

The city's Geo Front, too, shook under the unanticipated invasion. Most of its buildings and houses had already fallen as a result of the final Angel attacks as well as the explosion caused when Evangelion Unit 00 blew up with an N^2 mine. The buildings lay discarded and crumbled amongst battered telephone poles and chunks of concrete that drifted aimlessly and forgotten in the sea. Disregarding the shouts and explosions that rumbled NERV Headquarters, and the tanks and missile launchers that stood poised along the forested area around it, the Geo Front lay mostly in scattered ruins and was quite deserted. This was due to the fact that a great many of its former citizens had abandoned it in a fearful haste from the mass destruction that it had constantly suffered from the clashing of Angel and Eva. But not all of its citizens had been able to run from the city's imminent doom as quickly. At the very edge of the Geo Front, far from the toppled buildings and debris, beneath a large hill that hid the chaos that consumed NERV Headquarters from sight, there stood one of the few remaining evacuation shelters. Within the shelter, the remaining citizens of Neo Tokyo-3 waited...waited for this change that they knew nothing about, wished for it to come and, at the same time, were terrified of its arrival.   
  


**

Soul Redemption 

**

Chapter 1 

"Why haven't they told us anything?" a stout, middle-aged man asked as he stared impatiently out the large window that encompassed the left wall of the evacuation shelter. But the great hill that stood before it prevented the window from showing him what he wanted to see. 

"What the hell do you think's going on out there?" a gruff, elderly man beside him asked as he craned his neck to scan the outside of the shelter. "This isn't like the other evacuations..." 

"It's like we're all that's left in this city..." a young woman standing next to the window murmured as she pulled the baby girl cradled in her arms closer to her chest. She looked over at the blank, silent message screen at the far end of the shelter. "We've been here at least an hour and not a single message from the government. Why won't they tell us what all those explosions are out there?" She stopped abruptly to hide the hysteria that was starting to make her voice shake. The elderly man sighed heavily and turned away from the window. 

"Well if there's no news soon, I'm getting the hell out of this shelter and catching the next train out of this city," he growled as he folded his arms and stared crossly ahead of him. "I should've left this damn city as soon as those attacks started getting out of hand! Well, I don't care what's going on outside that they don't want us civilians to know about, but I'm not going to put up with situations like this anymore!" He turned his head away angrily. The middle-aged man continued to stare anxiously out the window, and the young woman gently caressed the head of her sleeping baby as tears formed in her eyes. 

At the other end of the long window, leaning his back against the wall while supporting his left leg cast on two wooden crutches tucked under each arm, Toji watched the antsy, uneasy people that mingled awkwardly amongst each other in the small shelter. Kensuke stood beside him, with his hands in his pockets, also watching the forgotten citizens of Neo Tokyo-3 cower within the confines of the remote shelter as distant explosions made the entire complex shake slightly. 

Kensuke turned towards the window and peered around expectantly. "I really wish we knew what was going on out there! It sounds like the entire city's being bombed, or something!" He looked back at Toji. "Do you think it's another Shito?" 

Toji shifted his weight on his crutches. "Well if it is, it must be some super powerful one that they don't want the public to know about," he said cynically as he glanced out the window. "But who knows...all I know is that I wanna find Dad and get outta this city like I was supposed to." 

"What about your sister?" Kensuke asked as he pushed back the glasses that rested on his nose. Toji hesitated for a moment as he stretched out his arms. 

"We're gonna have to have her transferred to another hospital in the city that we're movin' to...wherever that is." He sighed and leaned forward. "Maybe the Evas are fightin' whatever 'enemy' is out there..." he said absent-mindedly. "Heh, I'm sure glad I don't have to pilot one anymore. Just bein' Eva pilot for half a day was enough for me!" He smiled curtly and patted his cast in confirmation. Kensuke smiled at him. 

"I still would've liked to be a pilot...even for only ten minutes!" he exclaimed as he firmly grasped his hands on imaginary Eva controls. Toji shook his head. 

"You never change..." he mumbled. But Kensuke didn't hear him. Instead, something had caught his eye and he was looking franticly through the crowd of people until he stopped as his gaze fell on the opposite end of the shelter, at the other large window on the right wall. 

"Hey Toji, you're not gonna believe who else is here!" he said. Toji stood up as tall as he could with his crutches under his arms and looked around fervently. 

"Who? Where?" he asked impatiently. Kensuke pointed to the window on the right wall. Under the window, sitting on one of the brown cotton blankets that the shelter provided, Hikari had her arms wrapped around her knees as she stared blankly and sadly ahead. Pen Pen was sitting next to her, blinking up curiously at the people that occasionally passed by. 

"Hey, I don't believe it! The class rep is here, too!" Toji exclaimed as he and Kensuke headed over to the other window. "Hey, class rep!" he hollered along the way. Hikari slowly looked up. The minute she saw him, her heart started pounding faster and she hastily pulled herself to her feet. 

"Suzuhara-kun? And Aida-kun, too?" she said in disbelief as they both stopped in front of her. Pen Pen gazed up at them and tilted his head quizzically. 

"Yup, it's us. Two of the three stooges," Toji replied, grinning at her. Hikari blushed and looked away. Then, she noticed the cast on his left leg. 

"Suzuhara-kun...are you...feeling better?" she asked shyly. Toji straightened up and smiled confidently. 

"Well my leg's pretty banged up, but other than that, I feel fine," he replied cooly. He looked down and noticed Pen Pen, who was waddling over to them, holding out his sleek black flippers stiffly at his sides. 

"Hey, isn't that the penguin that lives at Misato-san's apartment?" Toji asked as Pen Pen stopped next to Hikari. 

"Is Misato-san here, too?" Kensuke asked as he began to look around the room once again. 

"No, she's not," Hikari replied as she bent down and picked up Pen Pen. "Katsuragi-san asked me to take care of him for a while. She said she wouldn't be able to." At the mention of Misato, Pen Pen whimpered softly and lay his head down on Hikari's shoulder. 

"Are you two here all by yourselves?" Hikari asked as she stroked Pen Pen on his back. 

"Yeah, we both have the same story," Toji replied. "Our homes got destroyed durin' one of the last Shito attacks, and we were gonna have to leave the city. I get outta the hospital only to find that I have no home to go home too! How'd ya like that luck, huh?" he asked sarcastically with a light chuckle. Hikari turned away, trying to hide her red face behind Pen Pen. 

"Anyway," Toji continued, "our families were all ready to get on the train and finally leave Neo Tokyo-3. We'd been stayin' at this cheap inn for cryin' out loud! But unfortunately, it seems that everyone's family wanted to leave the city on the same day! Each day we think 'Ok, today's the day we're leavin' the city' they call us and say that all the trains are completely filled for that day. I even told Shinji on the day that I left the hospital at NERV that Kensuke and I would probably leave the city by the next day. I had no idea how long it would take just to get a spot on the train! Heh, he probably thinks we're long gone by now! Then finally, today, we were actually supposed to get a train! We were waitin' in line for hours! The train station was so crowded, we couldn't even see the train doors! And then, a whole bunch of people came outta nowhere and started runnin' through the station yellin' 'The city's under attack! Run to a shelter now!' Immediately, the whole crowd of people started panickin'! They ran outta line and nearly trampled each other! The people in front pushed passed the people in back, and the people behind them tried to push ahead and get on the train...they couldn't decide whether to go to a shelter where it's safe, or just get on the train and get outta the city as fast as they could. Boy, it was a mess!" He gave a frustrated sigh and ran his hand through his short dark hair. 

"In all the crowds and confusion, we got seperated from our families," Kensuke continued. "But by some stroke of luck, the two of us ran into each other. We were going to go look for our families, but then we heard these loud explosions and gun shots coming from the center of the city, near NERV Headquarters, I think. So we decided to stay in this shelter until it's over." 

"Yeah, if it ever ends..." Toji muttered. Then, he looked at Hikari. "So, did you have the same kinda problems we did?" 

"Yeah," she replied. "My family wanted to leave the city too, but we had a lot of trouble because we live so far away from the train station and our car had gotten destroyed. They finally had a space for us on the train today, and we had walked halfway to the station when a whole swarm of people came running by in a panic, screaming and yelling that terrorists were attacking the city and that everyone had to get to a shelter. Next thing I knew, I had gotten seperated from my family as well, and I wound up here. But at least I wasn't completely alone..." She trailed off as she scratched Pen Pen affectionately behind the red erect crests on his head. He cooed softly and looked up at her. 

"Well, it's quite a coincidence that we all ended up in the same shelter, huh?" Toji said as he adjusted his crutches. "Kinda seems like old times..." 

"Yeah, except Shinji's not here..." Kensuke said quietly. 

"Neither is Asuka..." Hikari said dismally as she hugged Pen Pen closer to her. Suddenly, he gave a loud squawk and started flailing about in her arms, squealing and flapping his flippers rapidly. 

"What's wrong, Pen Pen?" Hikari asked as she struggled to keep her grip on the alarmed penguin. 

Then, a swarm of panicked cries erupted from the shelter. Toji, Kensuke, and Hikari looked around uncertainly as people began to run towards the large window they were standing by. They pushed and piled over each other like a million mice in a tiny cage to get a better look outside. 

"W-what are those things?" a man's voice stammered for amongst the crowd. 

"Are they going to attack us?" followed a woman's voice. 

"What's goin' on?" Toji asked as he, Kensuke, and Hikari looked out the window as people pushed and crammed in next to them, shouting questions and concerns incoherently. Then, a hush fell on the small room as every pair of eyes stared in awe and confusion at the distant, silent shapes that were soaring in the sky over the barren field that surrounded the shelter. As the shapes came closer, their features became visible. 

They flew on enourmous bird-like wings, that clashed with the robotic build of their human shaped bodies. They wore lifeless grins on their pointed faces, and the pure whiteness of their bodies seemed to mock the fact that they were made for the sole purpose of death and destruction. They flew in perfect formation, like a flock of souless, unnatural carrion birds. They were beings possesed of immense power and completely unknowing of it. Their only false desire was to destroy what should be destroyed, without respect for all things from above and below. 

"Are those...Evas?" Kensuke asked breathlessly as he stared wide-eyed at the passing winged robots. 

"They didn't tell me about Evas like those when I was at NERV..." Toji muttered. 

"Are they...here to help us...or what?" Hikari asked bewilderedly as she pulled Pen Pen closer to her. He had stopped panicking but he continued to stare up alertly at the flying Evas with sheer terror in his small green eyes. 

The Eva at the front of the group was clutching a jumbled pile of something that was difficult to make out from the height that it was at. But suddenly, as the flock was just about out of sight from the people in the shelter, it released its bundle and let it fall to the ground. Then, a long dark red spear materialized in its hand, and the flying Evas had vanished from sight. 

The massive, entangled pile that the Eva had dropped hit the ground about fifty feet away from the shelter with a deafening thud that shook the earth and made several people shout, flinch, or scurry about in alarm. Toji, Kensuke, and Hikari closed their eyes and turned away as a huge gust of air from the collision struck against the shelter window, splattering hundreds of drops of bakelite on it. As they slowly looked up, what they saw before them made them gasp in unision, followed swiftly by a storm of cries and screams from the people around them. 

The remains of Evangelion Unit 02 lay skewered across the ground before them. Its crimson armor plating had been almost entirely ripped off, exposing its gigantic skull. The skull faced the right shelter window, with teeth bared in a fearsome, unrealistic grin, and eyes torn from their sockets and dangling loosly on fleshy tendons. The rest of it was a tangled mess of torn guts that disgustingly resembled oversized human entrails. Showers of bakelite oozed down all along the dismantled pieces. 

Toji, Kensuke, and Hikari stared in total shock and disbelief out the window, which was now dripping with bakelite, as random peoples' voices darted around the room like frightened moths. 

"What the hell is that?!" 

"I can't stand it!" 

"Let's get out of here now!" 

"All those things are demons, I tell you!" 

"Don't go out! What if they come back?!" 

"I can't stay here another minute!" 

"It's safer in here!" 

"Let me out!" 

The shelter was booming again as a group of people rushed down the hall at the far end of the shelter to the exit door, shouting over each other's shouts and pushing impatiently to get through the door. Kensuke slowly spoke up over the bedlam that was rising in the small room, startling Toji and Hikari, who quickly looked at him. 

"That's...Evangelion...Nigouki..." he shakily said. 

"Yeah, what's left of it..." Toji mumbled. "What the hell did those other Evas do to it?" 

Hikari continued to stare in horror at the gruesomely mutilated Eva. Pen Pen whimpered quietly and blinked at her. "Isn't that one...Asuka's?" she asked, her voice trembling slightly. 

"...yeah," Toji replied hesitantly. 

"But where is she? If those things did this to her Eva, then...what did they do with her?!" She was shouting almost hysterically now as the loud pandemonium in the shelter was beginning to quiet. 

"H-how should I know?" Toji asked haughtily as he pulled himself up on his crutches. "I'm as confused as everyone else!" 

Hikari took a last glance at the violated Eva. Then, she placed Pen Pen down on the brown blanket, quickly pulled on her shoes, and headed towards the hallway that led to the exit. 

"Hey, where are you goin'?" Toji called after her. She stopped, but didn't turn around. 

"...to see if I can find Asuka..." she replied. "She might need help." And with that, she took off towards the hallway exit as the remaining people in the shelter moved about and conversed nervously. 

"Hey, wait up!" Toji shouted as he hobbled after her on his crutches. "It's dangerous to go out there! Kensuke, c'mon!" 

"Uh, okay!" Kensuke replied as he followed after Toji down the narrow hallway. They reached the end and met up with Hikari as she was trying to get passed a young man and woman who were standing in front of the door. The woman had one hand on the knob and the man was pulling on her other hand. 

"Let me go! I have to get out of here! Out of this god-forsaken city right now!" the woman cried out as she tried to pull her arm away from the man's grip. 

"I'm telling you, we're better off in here!" the man insisted as he yanked on her arm and pulled her away from the door. "We don't know what's out there, but at least we're guaranteed some safety in here!" 

"I don't care! I've got to get out! I'll drive the damn train myself if I have to!" she yelled, pulling her arm away, tearing open the exit door, and running outside. 

"Honey, wait!" the man hollered and ran out after her. He didn't bother to close the door behind him so Hikari, Toji, and Kensuke cautiously stepped outside. To the left side of the empty field, which was nothing but dirt and a few trees, groups of people who had fled from the shelter were scattered around on the large hill. Most were running over it towards the ruined city, while others were breaking off in all different directions. The woman was running up the hill, passing most of the people, with the man right behind her, pleading with her to come back. 

"Seems like nobody knows what the right thing to do is..." Kensuke said as he watched the people scurrying around like ants who had lost the trail back to their nest. 

"Yeah," Toji replied. Then, he noticed that Hikari was already heading towards the remains of the Eva. "Let's go," he said, and they both took off after her. 


	2. Soul Redemption: Chapter 2

**

Soul Redemption 

**

Chapter 2 

As the trio stopped in front of the destroyed Eva, its battered form looked even more terrifying. Rivers of bakelite surrounded its looming skull or burst out like geysers from innumerable rips on its body. 

"I don't...believe it..." Kensuke muttered as he stared in horror at the Eva's torn up head, "...that beautiful...Evangelion..." 

"Gee, this was worse than what happened to my Eva..." Toji said. Meanwhile, Hikari was walking warily around the Eva's head, stepping carefully over the puddles of bakelite. 

"Asuka?" she called as she glanced behind the tangled mass. Then, she gasped, causing Toji and Kensuke to quickly run up beside her. 

"What's wrong?" Toji asked, as he and Kensuke looked in front of her. Amongst a pile of indiscernible Eva pieces, there was a flattened and dented entry plug. Its door hung open listlessly on smashed hinges and a flood of LCL was oozing out of its numerous cracks like yellow slime. Following the trail of LCL that lead from the entry plug's opening, about six feet away from it was Asuka. 

She was cringing down on her elbows and knees. A cataract of blood was pouring down from her left eye and the right arm of her plug suit had been completely ripped off, exposing her bare arm which was nearly split in half from the palm of her hand to the top of her shoulder and had streams of blood running down it and flowing into the oozing LCL. Toji, Kensuke, and Hikari stared at her, too stunned and shocked to speak. Her chestnut red hair was hanging over the side of her face, hiding it from their view, but they could hear her mutter almost inaudibly. 

"...Mama...I'm...sorry..." She made a last feeble attempt to crawl forward, but the pain in her body and the exhaustion in her mind were too great and she collapsed on her side. 

For a moment, Toji, Kensuke, and Hikari continued to stare in shock until suddenly, before Toji could say anything, Hikari had turned around and buried her face into his jacket and started sobbing. Toji was taken by surprise at this, and he nearly stumbled backwards as she pulled the jacket into her face as her tears began to drench it. 

"...why...did those things...do this to her?" she cried as the sobs shook her entire body. "...it's...too cruel..." Toji and Kensuke exchanged baffled looks. Finally, Kensuke walked over to Asuka while Hikari continued to cry into Toji's jacket. 

"...Asuka...Asuka..." she wailed. Toji looked down at her sadly. 

'Gee, what do you say about somethin' like this?' he thought to himself. Hikari slowly pulled her face away from his jacket and tried to hold back her sobs. Suddenly, she felt his hands on the back of her shoulders and her heart jumped and her face grew hot as she gasped and quickly looked up at him. He looked right back at her and opened his mouth to say something, but was interrupted by Kensuke. 

"She's still alive," Kensuke said as he stood up from where he was crouching over Asuka. Hikari hesitated for a moment before walking away from Toji and coming up next to him. She looked down despondently at Asuka. It pained her to see her once strong and outspoken friend now unconscious and helpless, and bleeding terribly from her eye and arm. 

"We've got to help her somehow..." she said, stifling the last of her sobs. 

"But what can we do?" Toji asked as he came up next to them. "The nearest hospital is miles away, and who knows if people are even still workin' there anymore..." 

There was a moment of silence as Hikari looked away sorrowfully, and Toji and Kensuke watched her expectantly. Finally, she turned back to them. 

"Aida-kun, help me carry her," she said as she bent down and gently tried to pull Asuka up. 

"O-okay," Kensuke replied as he supported Asuka under her left arm while Hikari pulled her over her back. She felt blood rapidly dampen her dress, but she ignored it. 

"What are you gonna do?" Toji asked, following after them as they started to walk away. 

"Go back to the shelter," Hikari replied. "At least it's better than being out here." 

It seemed like hours before they finally got back to the shelter exit door. Hikari pulled it open and they walked down the narrow hallway. The shelter was uneasily silent. The only sounds to be heard were distant whispers of people in the main room, and the clanging of the heater system. The door to the shelter's restroom was on the hallway's right wall. 

"In here," Hikari said as she pulled open the door. The room was completely dark and smelled of rust and dirty water. As she groped her hand along the wall for the light switch, she noticed Pen Pen waddling up to them from down the hall. 

"Pen Pen, get my blanket," she called. Pen Pen looked confused for a second, but he quickly turned around and scurried back to the main room. He gathered up the blanket in his clawed flippers and dragged it back towards them. As he came up beside them, Hikari had turned on the light switch. 

The restroom was small and dingy, with dented gray walls, floorboards, and ceiling that looked like they hadn't been painted or cleaned in decades. There was one rusty toilet against the right wall and an old brass sink on the left that had trickles of stagnant water along its faucets. A smudged mirror with a long crack in its center hung over the sink. The single square-shaped flourecent light that flickered weakly in the middle of the ceiling offered a poor illumination to the dreary room. 

"Could they make this restroom any more depressin'?" Toji grumbled as the group slowly entered. Hikari took the blanket from Pen Pen and folded it open in the middle of the floor. Then, she and Kensuke gently laid Asuka down on it. Blood was still pouring down her cheek from her eye and seeping into the blanket from her arm. She was shivering and panting feverishly. 

"Oh, Asuka..." Hikari murmured worriedly, as she absent-mindedly ran her hand along the top of her stained dress. She winced slightly when she touched blood. Pen Pen whimpered distressfully as he sat down next the blanket. 

"So, what are we gonna do now?" Toji asked as he came up next to Hikari. She hesitated as she stepped over to the sink and started pulling out a pile of paper towels from the dispenser. 

"Listen. Do you two know where they keep all of the emergency medical supplies in this shelter?" she asked as she turned on the sink and held the paper towel under the water. 

"Y-yeah..." Toji replied. Then he said more knowingly, "Oh, I get it! C'mon, Kensuke!" He prodded Kensuke on the arm as he pulled open the door and headed out. 

"Oh, right," Kensuke said as he followed and pulled the door closed after him. After they left, Hikari knelt down and gently wiped the wet towel along Asuka's pale face. 

"Please don't die...Asuka..." she moaned as she tried desperately to fight back the tears forming in her eyes. Pen Pen approached her and leaned his head comfortingly against her shoulder. 

Meanwhile, Toji and Kensuke had gotten back to the main room and were heading down a second hallway that was directly across from the first. As they stopped for a moment and glanced around the room, they noticed that the only people left in the shelter were the woman with the sleeping baby, an elderly couple who cowered in the far corner, a man and his son who stood by the window, and a dirty, scruffy looking old man with messy patched clothing who sat against the other window with three beer bottles set out around him. 

"Seems like there's hardly anyone left now..." Kensuke muttered. 

"Yeah, sure looks that way..." Toji replied as they both headed down the opposite hallway. They stopped in front of a wooden door against the left wall and Toji hastily pulled it open. 

They entered a large, brightly lit room with three rows of shelves on each of its walls that were piled with tons of different sized first-aid kits, a variety of medicine bottles, cloths, blankets, and boxes of bandages. About six wheelchairs filled the left corner of the room while a row of oxygen tanks covered the right. Crutches, canes, and folded walkers leaned against the center of the wall. 

"Gee, they've got everythin' under the sun in this room," Toji gushed sarcastically as he and Kensuke looked around. "Now if only they'd fix up the crummy restroom." He approached the rows of shelves on the right wall. 

"Kensuke, take as much of this stuff as you can carry," he said while pointing to the top shelf with one of his crutches. 

"Why do I have to do all of it?" Kensuke complained as he began to pull down about three large first-aid kits and five boxes of bandages from the shelf. 

"Well, I'd love to help ya, man, but my arms are kinda occupied," Toji replied, raising his crutches with a teasing chuckle. 

"Toji," Kensuke began as he tried to balance his load with one arm while scooping up a pile of cloths with the other. "How come you want to help Sorhyu so badly? I thought you couldn't stand her." 

"I can't," Toji replied abruptly. Then, he paused before saying, "But even she doesn't deserve this, you know? I'm not that heartless." 

"I knew you'd say that," Kensuke said as he tucked the cloths under his left arm while balancing the six boxes on top of each other in his right. The weight made him shake as he stepped forward. 

"Okay, let's go now before my arm breaks..." he mumbled as he tried to see Toji from behind the stack in his arm. 

"Yeah," Toji agreed as he held the door open for Kensuke to stumble awkwardly out. After he shut it behind him, he noticed that the young man and his son, as well as the old couple, were no longer in the shelter. 

* * *

A clanging in the hallway startled Hikari and Pen Pen as they turned towards the restroom door just as Toji and Kensuke came bursting in. 

"We're back," Toji announced as Kensuke dropped the first-aid kits, bandage boxes, and cloths clumsily onto the floor. Then, he began to rub his arms painfully. 

"Wimp..." Toji quietly muttered. 

* * *

The shelter was completely silent. Not a single word had been passed for a long twenty minutes between the stricken woman cradling her baby and the man in the raggedy clothes who drowned his aches in the beer that he continually gulped. She had watched him the whole time, throwing back his head and letting the liquid rush down his throat, creating a thrilling escape all his own. Then, he'd yank the bottle away, breathe a satisfied sigh, and repeat the process again. After drinking nearly all of his last bottle, he put it down next to him, pulled a cigarette and match out of his jacket pocket, and proceeded to smoke. As he pulled the cigarette away from his lips and breathed, clouds of smoke rushed out of his mouth and nose and lingered like ominous ghosts around his head. Finally, he spoke, which made the woman jump. 

"Ya wanna smoke, lady? Ya look like da nervous type." 

"No..." she said, looking away. He smiled shrewdly and picked up the almost empty beer bottle. 

"I'd offa ya a drink, but I need all ah can get." He put the bottle to his mouth and began drinking fervently until it was completely empty. With a heavy sigh, he put the bottle down with the others, smushed the cigarette on the floor to put it out, and dropped it down the neck of one of the empty bottles. Then, he got to his feet and stretched while glancing out the window. 

"Guess ah might as well get outta here. There ain't nothin' doin' in this city no more. But I dun't got no money fer the train, so I guess I'll just go out 'n stand on toppa that damn hill 'n watch the city go ta hell! Heh, and I'll bet ma last keg a beer that the whole freakin' world will follow soon after!" 

He staggered drunkenly over the beer bottles and managed to knock one down with his foot as he headed for the exit door. As he stumbled down the hallway, he turned back to the woman. 

"You 'n ya kid best get outta here, too. Why ya still here? Ya waitin' fer ya man or somethin'? He's probably forgotten 'bout ya and run outta the city himself. Are ya just gonna sit here and let 'im ditch ya like that?" 

The woman gave a slight shudder and turned her face away indignantly. The man shook his head as he pulled himself down the hallway and through the exit door, which slammed shut after him, causing the other two beer bottles to topple over. 

* * *

The shelter's restroom was now the only area left in which an air of tension still hung. Within the small bleak room, all five first-aid kits lay open with their contents spread out on the floor around them. The bottles of iodine and rubbing alcohol that they had contained sat open beside a pile of blood stained cloths and a pan full of bloody water. Toji, Kensuke, and Pen Pen had watched intently as Hikari carefully stitched up Asuka's arm before wrapping it up firmly in strips of bandages. Then, she pulled out a wad of gauze from the box, placed it over Asuka's left eye, and secured it down with a few more strips of bandages. She worked tirelessly for nearly an hour until finally, when she finished, she leaned back and breathed a sigh of relief. 

"Are you done?" Kensuke asked as Hikari slowly stood up and stretched slightly. 

"Yeah," Hikari replied. "The bleeding's finally stopped and she doesn't seem to be hurt anywhere else. She'll probably be all right now." 

As Hikari stepped in front of the sink, Toji watched her as she began to wash her hands. Their eyes met in the mirror, and they both immediately looked away. 

"I-is something...w-wrong, Suzuhara-kun?" Hikari stammered as she shakily rubbed soap into her hands. Toji smiled at her. 

"Nah, I've just never seen someone work so hard to help someone else before. Heh, I'll bet you could be a great doctor if you wanted to!" He laughed jovially as Hikari looked in the mirror and noticed her face turning a crimson hue. She quickly turned away nervously but Toji didn't notice. 

* * *

The deep recesses of Asuka's subconsciousness were being warped in a dream of spiraling memories. As random images of people and events in her life flash by, she hears the echoing of her own voice. 

'What...is this? Am I dead? Is this what death feels like? But...why? Death is supposed to be free of pain, so why...why do these images still give me...pain?' 

Suddenly, the images cease and a vision of her mother, with her hair hiding the profile of her face, clutching a rag doll while sitting in a hospital bed. 

Her mother's droning, isolated voice. "Your papa doesn't need us anymore. So let's end it together. Die with me!" 

Young Asuka's innocent voice crying. "No! Mama, I'll be good! Just please don't stop being my Mama! Look at me, Mama! Please, love me, Mama!" 

A door bursting open. Her mother hanging from the ceiling. The rag doll under her, with its head ripped off and splattered with drops of blood from the body. Her mother's tombstone... 

Her grandmother's sobbing, sympathetic voice. "You're so strong, Asuka-chan. But it's all right to cry if you need to." 

Young Asuka's voice, now hardened and distant. "No, I won't. I'll never cry again. I'll live by myself. I'll think for myself. I don't need Mama, Papa, or anyone!" 

Then, visions of people familiar to her. 

Kaji. A man. 'If I'm with him, it'll show that I am an adult.' 

Misato. Kaji's lover? She's too contrived. A disgusting relationship. '...just two sad adults licking each other's wounds.' 

The First Child. Loner. Self-centered. Emotionless wind-up doll. '...you'd kill yourself if you were ordered to!' 

Shinji. A boy. Third Child. Competition. 'Baka-Shinji...you could never understand me!' 

'...but I can't understand me, either. Sync Ratio 0%. Sync Ratio 0%.' 

Asuka sitting in a bathtub of dirty stagnant water, staring up at the broken shower head and hole in the roof. 

Her own voice speaking quietly, listlessly. 'Sync Ratio 0%. I can't be an Eva pilot anymore. I have no other reason left to live.' 

A crashing sound. Footsteps. A man's voice. Unfamiliar. "Are you Asuka Langley Soryhu?" 

Three men approach and pull her comatose body out of the tub. 

Their voices. Cold. Unkind. "You've given us the slip long enough. What have you been doing? A beautiful girl like you hasn't been taking care of herself, I see. Time to go back where you belong. Get your clothes on and get on your feet!" 

'...fine. Take me away, if you must. I don't care. It doesn't matter. I just don't care anymore...' 

Then, looking up from a stretcher. A bright light glaring. Exhaustion. Vision beginning to blur. Doctors. Mingling around. Whispering amongst each other. 

One doctor's voice. Female. A little compassion. "Poor girl. She's really weak. And terribly emaciated. She must not have eaten or slept for days. We need to get her to NERV's hospital ward right now..." 

'My vision's blurring...blurring. Too weak...can't stay conscious...it doesn't matter. Let me sleep. At least I won't...feel...this...pain...anymore...' 

Doctor's voice starts to fade. "Hang on, dear. We're going to help you." 

'Who...can...help...me?' 

Suddenly, blurred vision becomes darkness. Physical pain, hunger, fatigue, tiredness...all vanish. But mental pain is only numbed. 

Darkness. Some peace and quiet. 'Unconsciousness is the only peace...besides death. But what is this? A voice calling me? So faint...but why do I hear it and nothing else?' 

"Help me, Asuka..." 

'Shinji...?' 

"Asuka, please help me. Wake up...Asuka!" 

'Baka. I won't help you unless you first learn to at least like yourself. Then, maybe you can start to help yourself, for a change!' 

"Asuka, please. Please help me. Call me an idiot like you always do. Just please...help me!" 

'No. I won't help you. I can't. Because...I need to help myself first. But how?' 

Darkness suddenly becomes blue. Wavy. A lake. 'Inside Eva again? Why am I back in here again? I can't even get this piece of junk to work. But it's only junk because of what I've become. I'm the garbage now.' 

Explosions. 'I don't want to die. I don't want to die. I don't want to die...' 

A soft, gentle voice. "You're still alive. You don't have to die. I'm protecting you." 

'Mama!' 

Eva bursts out of the lake. Unstoppable. AT Field at its strongest. 'I understand now, Mama! The true meaning of the AT Field! You were always with me! Always protecting me!' 

The rest of the Eva series. White. Grins. Wings. '...but even with my AT Field I still...couldn't...' 

Crashing. Destruction. Then...Power 0:00. 

Other Evas reactivate. Attack. Maul and tear. Pain. 'Pain!' They soar like kites out of reach, before the blinding sun. 'I'll kill you! I'll kill you! I'll kill you!' 

'Longinisu no Yari?!' A lot them. After that...is... 

Darkness again. This time, unwelcoming. 'What else can I do? Mama, I failed...even with you. Why did I live to discover the true AT Field if I was just going to die painfully immediately afterwards? It's just not fair. My Eva's...gone. What else is there left? Why did I live this long? If I was going to suffer through all this today and end up dying in failure, I should've just died...back then...' 

Another memory, more clearer than the rest, begins to take shape. A quaint little house surrounded by trees. 'Hikari's house. Yes, I stayed there for a while. I was probably such depressing company. She let me stay, even though all I did was ditch school, play video games, and lament all day. But she never complained. Even when I tried...to...' 

The memory begins to change to an image of Asuka standing in loose pajamas in front of a bathroom mirror that's hanging over a sink. She stares blankly at her stricken reflection for a moment before firmly grasping a razor in her trembling right hand and holding it tentatively over her left wrist. She moves it down slowly, her hand shaking rapidly, as she tries to hold back the sobs in her chest. The door creaks open. She looks back into the mirror and sees Hikari standing in the doorway, her brown hair down, also in pajamas, a stunned expression on her face. But she shakes it off fast and lunges forward. 

"No, Asuka!" 

She smacks the razor out of Asuka's hand. It richochets off the rim of the toilet seat and lands in the toilet water. She comes up behind Asuka, wraps her arms around her chest, and pulls her close. 

"You weren't in bed...I'm so glad I didn't just ignore it. Please, Asuka. Don't do that," she says pleadingly, sobs shaking her voice. "I know you're suffering...but you mustn't...throw your life away!" 

'I have nothing left, Hikari...' Asuka's voice is dull. Lifeless. 'I hate everyone. I hate myself. I have...nothing left to live for...' 

Hikari tightens her grip around Asuka. "Don't say that! Saying that you hate everyone and yourself is just an easy way for you to label the pain that you're feeling now. But it's not as simple as that! Even now you're still alive because of our bond. If you hated me, I wouldn't be here to save you from yourself! As long as one person cares whether you live or die, you should keep living. Can't you see, Asuka? It doesn't have to be as bad as you think." 

Asuka doesn't respond. For once, she's at a loss for words. 

Hikari continues. "As long as you can move, and breathe, and think, and change your future...isn't that a good enough reason to keep on going? If you're unhappy now, then do something different. We don't live to pity ourselves. We live to better ourselves." 

Asuka slowly turns her head around. 'Hikari...' 

Hikari tries to smile and her voice grows gentler. "If you were to kill yourself now, just think how sad you would make everyone who knows you. I know I would be really sad if you died, Asuka. Ikari-kun and Katsuragi-san would be devastated, too. Even Suzuhara-kun and Aida-kun would be upset. I don't know why we form such bonds with the people we know...just promise me you won't try something like this again..." 

Asuka looks away. '...I guess...it's the least I could do after all you've done for me...' 

Hikari releases her hold on Asuka and smiles. "Please try to find a purpose to keep on going, Asuka. Maybe you can't see it now, but when you do, you'll be glad that you didn't end your life before your time. I know you can find that purpose, not just for the people who care about you, but for yourself. Until that time comes, you've got to keep trying to move forward. Find out why you came here...why you even exist at all..." 

Asuka looks down and her hair falls and covers her face. 'I...still...don't know what to do, Hikari...the purpose I'm looking for...What is it? Where is it? When is it? Why is it?' 

Silence. A vision of blackness once again. But it's fuzzy and unstable, as if on the brink of bursting away. 

Asuka's voice seems to fill the entire dark void. But, for the first time, there's an inkling of sincere hope in her tone. '...maybe...maybe, all this...it really is leading to something greater...' 

The blackness jiggles and shakes. 

'...maybe...I just have to be patient...try to endure the pain...and I'll finally find...' 

The blackness fades to a pale shade of grey. 

'...my answer...my purpose...not as the pilot of a giant robot...but something more. Somehow I've made it through everything. Why should my life end so abruptly after all that?' 

The grey slowly grows dimmer and dimmer. 

'Yes! I want...to go on living! I want discover meaning in myself! I want to find out why I still exist!' 

The grey suddenly bursts into a brilliantly shining white light. 

'There's no way I'm dying without a purpose!' 


	3. Soul Redemption: Chapter 3

**

Soul Redemption 

**

Chapter 3 

A squabbling sound suddenly alerted Hikari, who had been leaning against the wall, absorbed in her own thoughts. She quickly looked up and heard Toji next to her. 

"What's up with the penguin?" he mumbled. Hikari looked down at Pen Pen. He was looking down at Asuka quizzically. Then, he looked up at Hikari and gave an expectant blink. 

"What's the matter, Pen Pen?" she asked. Then, she noticed Asuka stir slightly as she slowly opened her right eye. 

"Asuka!" she exclaimed as she rushed over and knelt down on the blanket. Toji and Kensuke, who had also been leaning wearily against the wall, turned and looked. Asuka blinked for a moment as she stared up at the flickering fluorescent light. Then, she slowly turned her head to the side and saw Hikari crouching over her. 

"Hi...kari?" she said quietly. 

"Asuka...you're really all right," Hikari replied, the first hint of happiness in her voice since she had entered the shelter. Asuka looked up at her for a moment. Then, a small smile began to spread across her face. 

"...never thought...I'd see you again..." she said. 

"Hey, we're here, too," Toji announced as he and Kensuke came up next to Hikari. Asuka took a quick glance at them. 

"...and I was hoping I wouldn't see you two again," she said tauntingly as she pulled herself into a sitting position. Toji scowled. Pen Pen waddled over to her and gently nudged her shoulder. 

"Even Pen Pen's here?" she said as she scratched the penguin under his beak. Then, she noticed the bandages that ran up her right arm. 

"Hikari...did you do this?" she asked as she stretched her arm out and looked at the bandages. 

"Well...I couldn't just let you bleed to death," Hikari replied. 

"So...this is the second time you've saved me," Asuka said placidly as she looked at Hikari. Hikari got to her feet and stood next to Toji(who was still scowling a bit). 

"Guess so," she replied. Then, she turned serious. "What happened to you, Asuka? Those other Evas...why did they destroy your Eva? What's going on?" 

"Is it some kind of 'war of the Evas' or something?" Kensuke inquired. 

"It's a long story. Even I don't know all that's going on," Asuka said. "But I don't know what to do...now that my Eva's...destroyed." 

Hikari slowly stood up. "I was worried about you, Asuka, after you...well, you know I told you that you could come back to my house after they called you back to NERV to fight that one Shito. Where did you go after that?" 

Asuka's right eye narrowed slightly as she straightened up a bit. "Back then, I couldn't even...get my Eva to move. My Sync Ratio... was 0%. I didn't want to free load on you anymore, Hikari, so I just wandered around for days. I can't even remember how long. I didn't eat. I didn't sleep. I just walked. I finally found this broken down, abandoned house. At that point, I was so weak and depressed, I just wanted to be left alone to die. I took off my clothes and...got into the dirty bathtub. Then, these men came in looking for me. They wanted to take me back to NERV. I remember them pulling me out of the tub...a doctor telling them to take me to the hospital ward. After that I...don't remember anything until I woke up inside my Eva..." 

After she had finished, Asuka slowly turned around, grasped the edge of the sink, and tried to pull herself to her feet. 

Hikari came up behind her and held her up. "Try not to move too much, Asuka..." 

"I'm okay," Asuka said as she stood up, holding both hands on the edge of the sink for support. 

"It's strange..." she mumbled as she watched the endless drips of water fall down from the rusty faucet. "...I can't remember anything when I was at the hospital ward...I must've been in some kind of coma or something but, at one time, I thought I heard Shinji calling for me, begging for me to 'help' him. I don't know why but that's the only thing I can remember..." 

She stared at the drips for several moments while the others watched her expectantly. Suddenly, she turned her head away brashly. 

"Ano baka!" she exclaimed. Then, she began to speak with not the slightest hint of ambivalence in her tone. "First he's pleading for me to help him, then, when I could really use some help fighting those other Evas, he's nowhere to be found! Typical of that baka..." 

"Hey, lay offa Shinji, will ya?" Toji growled. "I'm sure he's havin' a hard time, too. Wherever he is..." 

Asuka looked back at the sink and noticed another drip fall from the faucet. It plopped into a drip that was sitting on the rim of the drain, causing them both to roll down it. 

"Ano...baka," she muttered quietly. Then, she glanced at her reflection in the mirror and noticed the gauze patch over her left eye. 

"Sorry, I...couldn't do anything to help your eye, Asuka. All I could do was cover it..." Hikari said. 

"It doesn't matter," Asuka replied. "Even with both eyes I was unable see all that was before me, anyway." 

"Huh?" Toji and Kensuke murmured together, with perplexed looks. 

"You've...changed, Asuka," Hikari said. Asuka turned to face her. 

"Have I now?" she asked. 

"You sound like..." Hikari began, "...you know yourself better, I guess." 

Asuka gave a quick smile to Hikari before gazing back into the mirror. She looked deep into her sapphire eye, searching. 

'Maybe it's true,' she thought to herself. 'Maybe all the hell that I've been through really has changed me...for the better. Maybe now that I've changed, I can change my future...so that I can find...a real purpose for life. It's not over yet...' She hesitated for a moment before moving towards the door. 

"Asuka, where are you going?" Hikari asked anxiously as she stepped near the door. 

"Back to...Mama," Asuka whispered. 

"What?" Hikari asked. "You mean your real okaa-san? I thought you said...she died." 

"Her soul still lives inside Eva. Heh, I know it sounds crazy but the reason Eva has an AT Field is because there's a human soul inside of it. That's probably how it can 'sychronize' with its pilots." 

She turned to Hikari and noticed that she still looked confused. "Don't worry about. It's something that just concerns me..." 

"Human souls are in Evangelions? I never knew that!" Kensuke proclaimed in awe. 

"Does that mean that...my Eva had a soul, too?" Toji inquired, dumbfounded. Pen Pen glanced at each of them and blinked inquisitively. 

Asuka griped the doorknob. "Even though the outer shell of my Eva is destroyed, Mama's soul must still be there..." She pulled open the door. 

"Wait a minute," Toji said as he walked over to Asuka on his crutches and stopped in front of her. "I used to think you were nothin' but an arrogant bitch, but maybe you're not that bad...maybe you're just arrogant and not a..." She stepped on his foot as she went out the door. 

"Ow! Hey, I was tryin' to be nice," he grumbled as he stumbled back. 

"You want me to break your other leg?" Asuka asked teasingly. Toji turned away angrily. Hikari giggled at them. 

"Grr...if you weren't a girl, man I'd really let ya have one..." he mumbled irately to himself. "...so much about her changin' for the better." 

Asuka paused as she stood in the small doorway. "Hikari?" she said. 

"Y-yeah," Hikari replied. 

"...thank you...for everything," Asuka said without turning around. "You were my 'mikomi no hikari.'" And with that, she ran up the hallway towards the exit door. 

"Asuka!" Hikari shouted as she stepped out of the restroom and watched Asuka pull open the exit door and run outside. 

As Asuka stood for a moment outside the shelter, she thought about what she had just said. "'...thank you.' Words of gratitude. Words I've...never used..." An image of Kaji suddenly brushed through her mind. "...not even...with him." 

Back inside the shelter, a massive jolt from somewhere unknown shook the earth and made Hikari fall back into the restroom. She grabbed hold of the edge of the doorway to keep her balance. 

"What was that?!" Kensuke exclaimed as the shaking slowly calmed. 

"Man, that can't be good," Toji said disdainfully as he looked around. "If she's not careful out there, she might really end up with her Mama-san!" 

Back inside the main room of the shelter, the woman with the baby cowered against the wall, peering nervously out the window. The jolt had awoken her baby, causing her to start crying. The woman tried desperately to quiet her by rocking her gently, but to no avail. Suddenly, she sensed a presence near her and she quickly spun around. The phantom apparition of Rei Ayanami, the 'messenger of salvation,' floated without wings before her. The souless spirit giggled an empty giggle and drifted towards her. The woman backed away staring, terrified, as the ghostlike being before her advanced. She closed her eyes tightly and looked away in a panic. Suddenly, she heard her baby's cries cease abruptly and looked up. To her surprise, the apparition was now an image of the very man she had been waiting for ever since she was thrust into the shelter with only her baby and her heavy heart. She stared at him, too shocked to move, as her baby looked up and blinked in great curiosity. He smiled vacantly as he floated right up to her so that they were face to face. He cupped his translucent hands around her cheeks. She shivered as he pulled her into him. Before she could cry out in either happiness or horror, she felt the baby in her arms erupt into some kind of liquid that felt like unnatural soup. But before this could even fully register in her mind, she lost all sense of being as her body, too, became the liquid which cleansed troubled souls of their worries and sins, 'the original soup of life,' LCL. Her clothes and purse seeped into the LCL puddle, along with her dress and pacifier of her baby. 

Outside and within the demolished city, the citizens who had fled the shelter scurried around in fright and uncertainty as the phantom Rei-tachi rained down like a storm of angels from heaven. They sailed over to each of the unsettled souls, became the image of the one which that person wished to see the most, and then brought them completeness in a quick and painless burst of LCL. Those who did not wish for salvation hid behind trees and broken down houses, and refused to see a loved one within the spirit of Rei. But even they could not escape the massive change that their world was undertaking. All throughout what remained of Neo Tokyo-3, Rei came to the people and left LCL in place of their bodies as their clothes fell uselessly away and their souls drifted up into the single, perfect entity, with skin of pure white and wings like a giant angel, that towered over the dead city and fused the light of all seperate beings into total oneness. 

Back inside the shelter restroom, Toji, Kensuke, and Hikari were backed against the wall as the savior Rei-tachi floated around them, smiling serenly. 

"Ayanami!? Jeez, I always knew there was somethin' weird about that girl!" Toji exclaimed as the trio huddled together and Rei-tachi began to close in. 

"Let's get out of here!" Hikari shouted, scooping up a startled Pen Pen into her arms as Rei-tachi were practically on top of them. She and Toji made a break for the door. Kensuke tried to run after them, but Rei hovered right in front of him and gently grabbed his face. He screamed and winced as he tried to back away, but in what seemed like less than a moment, his being was turned to LCL which splattered on the wall and oozed in a puddle underneath his clothes and glasses. 

Meanwhile, Toji and Hikari were running down the hallway as the hollow gigles of Rei-tachi echoed against the walls. 

"What happened to Aida-kun?" Hikari asked as she glanced behind them. "I thought he was right behind us..." Before Toji could reply, he stopped short as Rei drifted right in front of him. She came closer as two more came out from either wall. Toji hastily shoved Hikari the other way as they completely coverd him. 

"Suzuhara-kun!" Hikari cried, but she couldn't see him through Rei-tachi. She tried to step over to them but Rei began to come after her, smiling emptily. She backed away as Pen Pen squawked in alarm. 

Toji pushed blindly through Rei-tachi when suddenly, he felt something touch his waist and he looked down. His sister gazed back up at him, beaming, unrealistically. 

"...Kumiko? What are you doin' here?" Toji murmered in disbelief. Kumiko narrowed her eyes. Then, she jumped up and threw here arms around his neck. He slowly hugged her back. But the shower of happiness that he was feeling at that moment, ended in a flash, and he no longer felt anything at all as his body turned to LCL and oozed into a puddle where he had been standing. His clothes wallowed aimlessly in the puddle and his crutches splashed down on top of them. 

"Suzuhara-kun! Where are you?!" Hikari hollered hysterically as she tried to see any sign of Toji through the swarm of Rei-tachi. But they had completely filled the small hallyway, preventing her from seeing anything but them. She continued to back away from them, but Rei suddenly came up right behind her. She gasped and moved away, but when she looked back, Toji was drifting before her, grinning passively yet unnaturally, with his left leg no longer in a cast. 

"S-Suzuhara...kun?" Hikari stammered as he floated in front of her and gently ran his hands along her short brown pigtails. She felt her face flush rapidly and her heart began to pound in her ears. Pen Pen glared up at him, squealing in protest and madly flapping about in Hikari's arms but she didn't notice. 

"Are you...a ghost...now?" she muttered as he pressed his face closer to hers. Then, he placed his hands behind her head and pushed her lips into his. She faintly heard Pen Pen before his squabbling suddenly stopped and in his place, she felt something wet and slimy. But an instant afterwards, she became nothing more than that same wetness and slime. The LCL splattered against the wall and fell back into a still puddle. Her dress plopped down into the puddle along with Pen Pen's cooler unit. 

* * *

Outside the now silent shelter, Asuka walked along the barren field back to the remains of Unit 02. As she trudged onward, she thought to herself. 'Where is that baka-Shinji?! Even after all that's happened, he's still not around! Ano baka! I'll get him for this! I swear!' She shuddered slightly. '...if I...ever see him again...If he's...still alive...' 

A strange, ominous wind was blowing harshly and the cloudless sky was a bizzare burnt orange. Not a single person, house, or tree was in sight. All around her, countless numbers of souls awaiting entire completness floated up from all around the planet in the shapes of shining white crucifixes. But Asuka ignored them and kept her vision and mind focused on what was ahead of her; being reunited with the one who was with her from the very begining, and stayed there without revealing herself until the time was right - her mother. As she approached the ghastly head of the giant robot, she gently placed her hand on what remained of its armor plating. 

"Mama...I'm sorry...this happened..." she said, running her hand along the plating as the entire earth shook all around her. "...but I...understand now. When I lost hold of myself, you hid youself as well. And when I finally realized that you'd always been there, you protected me once again. Even if Eva is gone, I know you're still here!" She laid both hands on the plating and rested her head on them. She heard the monotonous giggles of Rei-tachi closing in behind her, but she disregarded them and kept her eye closed tightly in concentration as the air howled and the earth trembled. 

"Mama! I've finally decided! I finally know!" she cried out to the Eva's soul. "I don't want to die! I want to keep on existing because...I'm alive and as long as I am, I can change myself and my future as long as I have the will to make it change!" 

Through her closed eye she could make out the light around her growing brighter and brighter, and she could scarcely feel a mysterious, yet strangely familiar warmness around her. "Mama...my purpose...my purpose is to develop myself, through existence!" 

The bright light exploded into a blinding brilliance, and Asuka felt the warmness engulf her entire being. 

* * *

A drop of water. As Asuka slowly opened her eye she saw her mother, Kyoko before her, smiling serenly, and she felt Kyoko's hand gently caress her cheek. Their spirits appeared to be floating in space, above the empty, cleansed earth, as the single perfect entity below began to collapse into the giant sea of LCL and the seperate, crusifixed souls within flew out like billions of redeemed angels. As Kyoko ran her hand down Asuka's cheek, she spoke softly. 

"Will you be all right now...Asuka-chan?" 

Asuka hesitated. "I still don't know...where my happiness is. But I'll continue to think about...whether it's good to be here. Whether it was good that I was born. But in the end, it's just realizing the obvious again and again...because I am myself." 

On the earth below, the head of the giant angel of oneness split. Asuka paused as she looked passionately into Kyoko's eyes. "But Mama...what will you do?" 

"Humans can only live on this planet. But Evangelion can live forever, along with the human soul that dwells within." Kyoko's voice seemed to fill the space all around her as the mangled and dismantled pieces of Evangelion Unit 02 float away from earth and into space. "Even after 5 billion years, when the earth, the moon, and even the sun have vanished, Eva will still exist as long as even one person still lives. It will be very lonely. But as long as that one person still lives, it will the eternal proof that mankind has ever existed." 

At that moment, Asuka felt herself being pulled or perhaps, beckoned, back to Earth. As she drifted down, and Kyoko floated away, she uttered her final words of self-redemption with renewed vibrancy flowing through her voice. 

"Good-bye, Mama." 

_

Epilogue

_

Though Asuka's "mind-trip" in my fic may not be as detailed and thorough as Shinji's is in the movie, I wanted the two of them to reach their conclusion in a similar way; seeing and having a similar conversation with their mothers before going back to Earth. The end of my fic leads right to the final scene of "The End of Evangelion," which is probably one of the most controversial of all. I'm sure many think that the reason that Shinji strangles Asuka in the end is because he's upset with her and wanted to finish what he started(when he strangled her before, in Misato's apartment). I used to beileve that, too, until I really examined certain scenes in the movie and realized that the first occurence of Shinji strangling Asuka did not happen in reality, but was a figment of Shinji's mind created out of his frustration and incomplete relationship with her. I found that this was so because before we see that scene, we see the part from episode 15, where Asuka walks over to Shinji to kiss him. In reality, she ends up kissing him(and then regretting it afterwards). But in this particular flashback that Shinji has, instead of kissing him, she yells at him and kicks him. Shinji's mind changed the reality of that memory because of the raging negative feeling inside of him at that time. Similarly, in the director's cut scene of episode 22(and in Death & Rebirth), we see a spilled coffee pot as Shinji is telling Asuka that Kaji is dead. So we know that that's where the spilled coffee pot really comes from. But once again, Shinji's tormented mind twists the truth in the movie, and we see the coffee pot spill when Asuka pushes Shinji and he falls, knocking the pot of coffee down in the process, before he starts to strangle her. Immediately after this scene, Shinji's mind begins to depict a bunch of random images of death. So as far as I can see, Shinji's mind at that time was rewriting his memories, making them seem more horrendous than they really were(and I highly doubt that in reality, Asuka would just stand there and let him strangle her). Also, what Shinji imagines Asuka saying to him in that scene("You're afraid of Misato and the First!"), is exactly what he said about himself at the very beginning of the movie. This further emphasizes the fact that the whole scene was wroughted from Shinji's frustration with Asuka and his guilt about raping her. 

The reason that Shinji strangles Asuka at the very end of the movie is because he wanted to make sure that he was back in the real world...back in a world where pain once again existed and he was able to feel the presence of another again. This is the abosolute answer given from an official Evanglion trading card. But that still leaves an even greater question..what are they going to do? And, what about eveyone else? Well, Yui states that "...anyone can return to human form, as long as they can imagine themselves within their own heart." Since Shinji rejected the world in which all seperate souls are one, the peoples' souls come back to Earth. So perhaps if they(the souls) are able to imagine themselves within themselves, they can become humans once again. As for what Shinji and Asuka are going to do is entirely open to debate. But I guess the real conclusion to "Neon Genesis Evangelion" is of the mind. It doesn't matter what's going to happen...all that matters is that they are alive. Two people who felt deeply for each other yet constantly hurt and rejected one another time and time again were brought together in a cleansed world and finally came to some kind of acceptance of one another. I think with a brilliant ending such as that, the details become meaningless :) ****

The End


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